all the time...

God is good! Kellen sent an email this evening, with some exciting news-- as you're aware from my previous blog roommate assignments were switched up and Kellen was really excited about his new roomie- Ryan, who is a dentist and, I failed to mention, wasn't saved... Update:

"Hello all. I have some good news. Last night Lt Mehrer (Ryan) my roommate accepted Christ. Please pray that God gives me wisdom in how to disciple him. Other neat news, under the GI bill I can transfer my built up college funds to my spouse or children. That means tuition books and 2000 bucks a month. Things are going well."

Apparently God works quickly too! My heart is so happy for Kellen to be able to share in the joy of Salvation with his roommate. Please do remember Ryan as he seeks to further understand the blessing of Salvation and for Kellen as he is given the opportunity to share the Gospel with others and mentor this new believer.

25 days...

Kellen called today and said they are switching room assignments, mixing it up. He's not too keen on having to move all his gear and re-settle, but he's excited for his new roommate assignment. His current roomie is a young med student who needed the encouragement and military "know-how" Kellen could offer, so it was good for Kellen to be able to offer that counsel. His new roomie is the other "PT stud" in the company. This guy (I've forgotten his name!) is to be stationed in SC once ODS wraps up, so it's likely to be a contact to keep.

Kellen has today and Monday (b/c it's Memorial Day) "off". He had to remain on base, but at least there were no drills or classes. He has "watch" tonight- last time that consisted of standing in uniform with a weapon on his shoulder- nothing happens and it's rather boring, but it's teaching them something, I guess. He says he's not getting much sleep since he has to do assignments and ready his gear in the midnight hours. Lights out starts at 10pm; that essentially means that the hall light is out, but they are free to roam about the quarters and do laundry, etc. They are up at 4am for PT, breakfast at 5:45am, then shower/get dressed and then class. I'm sure some days are more varied than that, but that seems to be the gist.

I got off work by mid afternoon and met my mom in Mebane at the outlets. It was good for me to spend my free afternoon with her and just hang out with a person :) I've always appreciated our relationship and I'm thankful for days when I get to spend time with her and be encouraged by her. I'm a lucky daughter to have such a great mom.

Kellen has been gone a week. Today hardly felt like Sunday since I had to work and missed church. We're down to 25 days. That's so much better than 32! I know that these next 25 days can offer me some valuable lessons about who I am and who God is and who He wants me to be. I hope I don't keep myself so distracted from missing Kellen that I fail to grow in his absence. It's tempting to keep the "just survive" mindset and allow myself the excuse of being alone to be lackadaisical. On my own perhaps surviving is the best I could hope for, but I'm not on my own. And that should really motivate me.

Monday marks day 8 of work... 5 more days til a 3 day weekend! I can hardly wait! I'm enjoying lots of pool time, which is nice! Lots of the toddler activities take a summer hiatus, so the days are pretty low key- not that there's much excitement in library story times, toddler gymnastics and music classes... but still, there's not a set schedule or place to be 3 days a week. Jack keeps me on my toes and he has such a sense of humor and so much personality. He cracks me up and astonishes me with how quickly he picks things up and how naughty he can be too :) He's a handful, but so much fun! His brothers are also a handful, but thankfully most of the time it's just one monster and not all three (the mom calls them monster... it's a term of endearment...). It's nice to work for someone who knows her children are imperfect, flawed creatures who need love and direction. And it's nice to be trusted with that responsibility... though sometimes it truly is some of the best birth control out there.

how to...

I received a late night call Friday from my favorite ensign who should have been in bed with the lights out. Apparently today (Saturday) they had inspections, which means everything had to be nice and neat and in perfect order- so the khaki uniform had to be crisply ironed... only hiccup: how to turn on the iron. To be fair Kellen never irons here; I hardly ever iron unless I have a sewing project. I gave the best advice I could give not knowing what iron they had or the settings, or if the steam feature would leak brown grossness onto the uniform. I gave the warning and asked if the outlet was working. I don't know if my advice helped or not. Hopefully so. The ladies in the company may have had a slight edge over the guys in this regard.

As for me, I hit my low shortly after my last post. I'd been doing superbly. Managing house and work and estrangement from my sweet husband with ease. I don't know what happened, just too much free time that day I guess. Too much time to feel his absence- just the day to day stuff. I've been sleeping like a champ and am not afraid to be alone, it's just not easy do be alone when you're accustomed to spending so much time with someone.

He happened to phone me about an hour into my pity party. He tells me that things are really going so much better than before and that anytime he starts to stress or get anxious about what they're doing, all he has to do is remind himself of the miserable existence of OCS and he has to laugh b/c it's nothing in comparison. He's still taking it quite seriously to be sure- I heard a bit of anxiety in his voice when he called about the pending inspection, but I'm sure the worst of OCS is still likely better than the best of OCS.

Kellen asked me if I was really doing fine, or if I was suffering quietly... and I was honest. He responded so sweetly that it made me miss him all the more. Sometimes I wonder why God would be so good to give me this man, and then I wonder too why He would ask us to spend so much of our time apart. It's a question that satan likes to throw into my head regularly and I have to constantly be on guard against feeling deprived the right to a "normal" life.

It's all relative- the way we met and fell in love wasn't exactly normal, and there's a bit of novelty in the possibility of living abroad, etc, but in reality there will be more times than I like that Kellen will be away, or we will be living far removed from our family, or we'll be moving just when we're getting used to an area. The military life is not what I ever envisioned for myself... but if it's part of God's vision for my life then I'd better try on a new pair of eyes: His.

5 days down...

I am doing fine- much better than I anticipated based on our last Officer School experience. This time I've been busy working, and his phone calls and emails have made this time hardly seem like he's gone! 4 weeks from today I'll be there in RI for his grad, so hopefully these next 4 weeks go as smoothly as these past 5 days have.

He hasn't called since Monday night, but I've gotten an email each evening around 10:30... that's pretty late for him! He tells me that things are busy, but going very well. Tuesday he wrote, " Today was great, it was a little yelling and screaming and PT stuff. But over all it was soooooo much better than "that place." And yesterday he said, "Things are very chill. we have had a total of two racks thrown [that's bed tossing and remaking]. We got to play in the pool and it was awesome." The man loves the water :)

I feel so much better knowing he's not suffering like he was last time and the emails are such a blessing even if they do come late in the evening and are only a few lines long.

Have you noticed the weather difference? On the right sidebar of the blog I've posted our weather in WF and his weather there-- today there was a 20 degree difference in highs! Oh, how I wish our weather was milder, but I guess I'll just be spending a lot of time at the pool with the nanny kids this weekend- yay tan.

ODS Address

If you feel like dropping Kellen a line here's his address:

ENS Lake, K.K.
Class 11070
J Company

Officer Development School
Officer Training Command Newport
291 Kollmeyer St.
Newport, RI 02841-1524

I spoke with him several times today. He passed his weigh/measure which is awesome- especially considering how we've been eating in his last week at home :) He has been issued all his uniforms and gear and is settling into his room. He says the food isn't as good as it was at OCS :) They are restricted on foods they can consume- no sweets or sodas, no caffeine (with the exception of 1 black coffee in the AM), no chocolate milk, but juice & Gatorade are fine. They are also not allowed to use tobacco.

There are apparently several chaps and doctors, and even a couple physicists or some big-brain scientists... but no lawyers in this class.

After Kellen spoke with some current ODS participants who are in their last days of ODS in Newport it sounds like it is way less stressful than OCS and that is a relief. He sounds very relaxed and ready to face the challenges ahead... including deciding what to do with 2 formerly-white undershirts which he washed with his new navy sweat pants... the undershirts are now violet... :)

It does my heart good to hear him speak so lightheartedly about the training since OCS was such a draining time. He's not expecting this time to be a breeze, but compared to the hurricane of OCS... it is a most welcome change.

Tomorrow his "real" training starts- yelling and bed making (and remaking) to start the day and then breakfast at 5:40... they'll have PT (physical training) and maybe some classes. He likely won't have be able to use his phone for a while- "Until Lt. So-and-so says so." I hope he says so soon :)

only 32 days...

... until we're together again!

Well, technically Kellen will be at Officer Development School (ODS) for 34 days, including graduation day, but on day 33 there's a reception and I'll get to see him then... so that's only 32 days til we see each other again... and then he comes home after the grad.

He is in Newport, Rhode Island with the Navy this time. You might be thinking, "Hasn't he already done this once??" and the answer is "kinda, but not really." He was in Officer Candidate School with the Marines Jan/Feb 2009 training to become an officer (one that leads men into battle, etc) when he felt called to become a chaplain, so we're on that journey now. His desire is to serve Marines, but the Marines do not have "their own" chaplains. Navy chaplains serve 3 branches of the armed forces: Navy (but not in submarines), Marines and Coast Guard. This really broadens the potential for where we can live/serve in the future, and where he may be deployed... ship vs Afghanistan, or wherever the latest war is.

Kellen wrapped up his third semester and we're officially over 1/2 way done!! Assuming classes are offered at the right time, etc we're on target to meet our Dec 2012 grad goal! Kellen studies hard- if we were getting paid in ratio to our work, he'd be making way more than me- he's a trooper!! and a smarty pants! :) He amazes me everyday with his commitment to his studies and how much he's learning and enjoying his studies. He gets along with his professors and has developed some relationships there that will benefit him throughout this degree program, and potentially beyond. He makes me so proud!

While Kellen is acquiring his required MDiv for the chaplaincy he goes for periodic (PAID!!) training; ODS is the first of several opportunities for him to be on "the fast track" to chaplaincy with the Navy. A few months before graduating he'll make a choice about the final commitment to join the Navy (as reserve or active) or not. It's nice to have the opt-out choice, but that likely won't be an issue, as Kellen has felt so strongly the call to chaplaincy from the get-go. Once he graduates who knows what happens?!

It's all speculation whether we get stationed straight away to some base where he gets his final training, or whether he must get his 2 years experience... it's typically required, but since the Navy is in high-demand for chaps then they may say forget the experience "out there" come get it here... and like that we're in. That's over a year out though... so I'm not going to worry about it.

Before Kellen left for ODS I had the whole week off... it was so sweet to get to spend the extra time with him, even if much of it was him studying for finals. We spoiled ourselves with a little trip to the Outer Banks, just the two of us :) We typically stay with family at the beach, but it was really nice to just be on our own and for Kellen to experience big waves, brutal sand, the Wright Bros memorial, Jockey's Ridge, an all you can eat seafood buffet and a sunburn... that's right- not only did I get sunburned (that's to be expected not matter how much sunscreen spf 50 I wear...) but even Kellen got sunburned- the tops of his feet got it worse! He recovers much faster than I do... and I'm sure he whines way less about it too :)

I head to work Monday for 12 days of work... it will be good to be distracted. OCS was very difficult for both of us. For Kellen it was mentally, physically, psychologically, spiritually, everythingly- exhausting! The training was designed to make you break... so that those who were left standing had proven they could stand up under the enormous pressures placed on officers... it was the best worst experience of his life. For me, I was just miserable missing him. We could only communicate through mail- not email- USPS mail... it was horrendously slow one letter a week... we went from spending all day together (even in Korea we worked together, and back in the states I only worked half days and he substitute taught, we were fairly inseparable) to silence, nothingness... I lived for his letters, for the glimpses of his life they offered and the imagined tone of his voice through the letters. Eventually (after 3 awful weeks) he was granted weekend liberty (24 glorious hours!) and so I was in VA every weekend for the last 4 weeks he was there. The training is 10 weeks, but he DORed (drop on request) at week 7 in order to pursue the chaplaincy with his commander's blessing.

Already things seem easier/better... Kellen has his mindset for OCS and the difficulties faced there... ODS will not be a cakewalk, but comparatively it will be much easier than OCS. ODS is for doctors, lawyers and chaplains... these are not men/women who need to lead men/women into battle; they serve the men/women who go to battle; the training fits the need.

Kellen is in a dorm-style room which he shares with one man- a doctor, named Ben K. Ben is not a Christian, so this will be a great opportunity for Kellen to share the gospel with Ben K, and others like him.

If you want to pray for Kellen pray that he's able to memorize the required items (creeds, song lyrics, etc), that he's a shining example to his platoon/company, that he doesn't stress, but rests in God's peace. For me... that I'll stay motivated and positive in his absence... Kellen will be in a completely different surrounding and busy virtually all the time, but it's hard for the one at home b/c life goes on as it was, but with one striking ommision... Kellen.

I went into RDU to spend those last pre-flight moments with Kellen. Finally the dreaded moment came when he had to head to security and I could no longer stay by his side. I'd held it together just fine, but in that moment I felt my throat closing and eyes stinging, and I knew if I had to watch him walk away I'd boo-hoo right there in the middle of RDU... and so I waved and walked to my car, barely staying composed until I got to the highway and then the tears wouldn't stay back- the emotions from those first 3 unbearable weeks of OCS crushed my spirit and I cried and poured my heart out to my loving God who somehow has this plan ordained as Best for us. I don't understand it, but I don't understand lots of things; I "simply" have to trust that my Heavenly Father who didn't spare His own Son would surely not ask more of me than I can bear with Him. I need to keep that mindset.

Kellen will be able to use his phone and email at some point (he phoned today, but likely his phone will be prohibited for a while). So in regard to communication it should be easier than OCS.

I'll keep you posted, and send out his mailing address should you desire to snail-mail him- otherwise send him an email- I'm sure he'd love the encouragement!